Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hippo gnu deer
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
