i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize