The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you never un-have a 4some
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
