I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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