My pussy is not your playground.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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