Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
