Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
