Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
