do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
