Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
