Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
