just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
