I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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