I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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