fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize