I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
