And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
