don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
