i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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