I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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