You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
