there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
