just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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