this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
