listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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