How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
