To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
