My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
