What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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