Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your penis caused this!
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