ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
