I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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