I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
