I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
