Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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