I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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