oh god the rape fog is back!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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