I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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