so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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