bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
