ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
