the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
