Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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