If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
