if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
