I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
a search helicopter?!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
