You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
