Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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