They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Panties = found
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