Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
