Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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