I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
