Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
