I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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