I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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