Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
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I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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