Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
