cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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