I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
