i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
