Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
