there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
did you just send me my own nude
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
