we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
