Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
