Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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