do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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