I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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