oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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