We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
