Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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