Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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