Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
