not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
