explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
