chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
