Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
