worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
